You are not selfish for saying No

Do you struggle with turning down requests from others? First, I want to reassure you that there’s no need to feel anxious or guilty about saying no. On the contrary, being able to say no indicates that you are assertive and confident. Without confidence, it can be challenging to decline requests.

“Train your Mind to be Stronger than Your Emotions”

Learn to Say No

Mastering the art of saying No gracefully can be daunting, but it’s worth examining the underlying reasons for any hesitations. I have experienced the challenge of feeling as though I may be viewed unfavorably for declining requests. Yet, I have realized these concerns are unfounded through my growth and development. As I grew up, I held onto certain beliefs that made it challenging to say no. Nevertheless, it is essential to understand that Self-Awareness and prioritizing one’s needs are not synonymous with selfishness. This shift in perspective has made me more at ease with rejecting invitations and saying no, and I hope it can do the same for you.

“The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living,” by Russ Harris, delves into the roots of our beliefs that may have been imprinted in us during childhood. Harris explains how our emotions can become attached to these beliefs and provides exercises to help overcome them. Understanding and challenging these beliefs allows us to free ourselves from unhappiness and start living a fulfilling life.

Good Selfish vs. Bad Selfish

When I struggled to say no, I wrote a personal narrative. I titled it “Selfish” because it gave me a new perspective on selfishness.

"Selfish"
They say the hardest rope to cut is the one your family is holding on to. They weren't lying either. I never thought I'd feel this bad for wanting to tell someone NO! Damn, it's just a word. They act like it's the end of the world or something. That's people's problem; they're selfish Asf, and not selfish in a good way but bad way. I understand that there are times when it's good to be selfish. Sometimes it's good to be selfish because it allows you to focus on yourself and attract what your spirit desires, but when good things are attracted to you through someone else, I don't feel you should carry yourself as a selfish person. The individual you're being inconsiderate towards could be the individual that's helping you attract good things. It's like the selfish in a bad way is a person that lives their life being a victim; they never take accountability. Whereas, the selfish in a good way is a person that lives their lives being a creator, so it's okay to be selfish because they take accountability and rely on only the spirit.

Growth Mindset

Although I felt this way while writing, I now understand that my mindset was that of a victim. I struggled with declining requests, but it wasn’t due to others’ inability to accept a “no.” Once I began setting boundaries, I realized my fear was unfounded. This experience has led me to identify limiting beliefs that have hindered my growth.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Romans 12:2

I’ve shared some of my beliefs, but everyone has their own. So if you’re comfortable sharing, feel free to comment below. I’m always open to hearing different perspectives on how beliefs can impact personal growth.